For the best part of my life I was struggling – physically, mentally and emotionally. Since I was a young girl I had always had a negative relationship with myself, others and food. My upbringing wasn’t terrible but it lacked stability and this affected me in various ways. Entering into my teens I found myself disconnected from others in my school and academically I was challenged. I found the analytical and logical subjects very difficult and I was easily distracted. On the other hand I thrived at the creativity of art and home tech. Outside of school I was quite a moody child, very quiet the majority of the time but easily triggered and reactive. My happiness was always playing with animals and getting lost in nature with my cousin and climbing rocks which I had no fear of. For a small child I was a deep thinker always wanting to know what the meaning of life was and what was the future. As my menstrual cycle began I started to change and became more confident but still internally insecure, I was a late starter so to me this deepened my disconnect from other girls who developed much early, I look back now and see my desire to fit in whilst trying to figure out who I was, something I now know is ever evolving and beautiful. Looking back my childhood health was ok, could it have been better yes, could it have been worse, absolutely. I was never a sick child, my immune system seemed to be good, I put this down to running in the wild and being exposed to so much during my childhood antics and my mum’s home cooked polish food. Processed foods weren’t around the home, despite me wanting what the kids had at a school my mum kept to her roots, something I am forever grateful for today. On the flip side Mum and Dad weren’t around that much so emotionally I was starving – mind body disconnected and internal stress at a constant peak is what created many of my imbalances that would show up later in my life.

During my 20’s I disconnected further, driving myself outward and looking to other people, things and experiences to feel the great emotions of joy, fun and euphoria. Not knowing that these feelings when felt from a secondary source don’t truly make their way into your cellular energy and vibrate through your entire vessel.  I had spent many years unconscious from my body – living in a fast paced environment, eating badly, out of a sleep routine, drinking alcohol, taking recreational drugs and generally thinking from my egoic mind. My belief was that if I was a funny, adventurous and a giving person then I would be liked, which to me was what I needed as deep down I never knew what liking myself felt like, this wasn’t something that I was taught and took me a long time to learn. It wasn’t until my late twenties when I hit my rock bottom that I had no other choice but to make changes. Changes which at the time looked impossible. I knew I needed to change my outlook, my friendship group, where I lived and how I lived. None of these aspects of my life were serving me and I was completely out of alignment. 

The decision to put my health first was the best decision of my life. I began with making changes with food, I had already gone from diet to diet for many years, weight loss being my ultimate goal, but no matter how hard I trained at a gym and tried to control my food I was either too skinny or stuck with stubborn fat that was impossible to shift. When I started to look at what foods were making me feel good and giving me more natural energy I started to base my eating on these foods, within weeks I was increased in energy and began feeling good! I became more active and with that I started trying different ways of moving my body – loving how I was paying attention to and listening to my body, like we were in a daily conversation of checking and feeling in. True embodiment for the first time in my life. My sleep improved almost overnight and I started having a daily routine that felt amazing – my mind, body and soul all started connecting one day at a time, one magical new day of exploration – wonder and inspiration. 

I spent my late twenties and into my thirties changing my eating habits, my routines and the ways in which I support my body and mind – the journey has meant that I create and I feel freedom every day. Freedom to me is feeling at ease with your body, your mind and becoming magnetized to your external world. My connection to myself is a reflection of my connection to that which goes on around me and whatever the outcome I feel inspired by life. I look back and see my twenties of jumping from party to party – chasing a feeling of being high, all be that synthetically and here I am today living high on health, every second of the day, in its purest natural form.